Surfing’s Worst Inventions: The Theory of Devolution Applied
You might not have heard of Robert Kearns. He was a college professor and part-time inventor who developed the intermittent windshield wiper for cars. Before Kearns, wipers had two settings: on and off. The Ford Motor Company, however, stole his idea, and after years of legal battles, he eventually rejected a $30m settlement offer. His wife left him, he became estranged from his six children and eventually had a nervous breakdown.
Inventor Jack O’Neill did much better. He helped the surf world transition from oil-treated sweaters to neoprene suits and changed surfing forever. Simon Anderson added a third fin to a surfboard. His thruster design would be the biggest design revolution of the last 50 years, and he didn’t get a dime. Shane Dorian pioneered inflatable safety vests, and the 100-foot wave became possible.
But these were all the experiments that worked. We are more interested in those that reversed surfing’s progress. Those missteps don’t get the recognition they deserve. Until now, in the theory of devolution.
The Ocky Strap (aka The Bungee Cord)
What is known as the Ocky Strap in Australia isn’t named after Mark Occhilupo; it's a clipped version of the term "octopus strap." The bungee cord name does make more sense, and it was the standard tool for tying down surfboards to roof racks for around three decades. It is, however, irrelevant what it is called when a hard metal or plastic hook, perfectly designed to remove an eye, has ripped off a roof rack and is traveling at the speed of light toward your face. “They are a vicious hangover from an age when everything was dangerous,” wrote Jock Serong. “A time when the occupants of the family car were variously bouncing around unrestrained, smoking, or half-shickered.” More recently, straps with easy-to-use metal buckles have become the norm. They are longer and safer, but have removed an element of adrenaline from the pre-and post-surf board stack.
Jet Propelled Surfboards
The battery-powered, jet-propelled surfboard was vaunted as the surfboard of the future. I mean, paddling sucks, right? Around 2010, Cory Lopez came on board with the WaveJet. It wasn’t exactly a tipping point, but there was some momentum. That was until issues with performance, excessive weight and bulk, reliability and safety got in the way of the revolution. Or maybe it was the 5 grand price tag. Laird, too, got in the act and was a prominent pioneer and advocate for JetSurf, jet-propelled surfboards and eFoils. However, a decade later, most remain too heavy, too expensive, and not powerful enough. They have, literally, never taken off. Though Victoria Vergara’s latest effort means they are about to re-enter the conversation.
Related: $25k Electric Surfboard Goes Surprisingly Well in Big Waves (Video)
Paddling Gloves
“Why do you always go on about me wearing paddling gloves?” Brad Gerlach told me recently over a cold beer in Ericeira. “I wore them for about a month, in 1987, and never tried them again. They made my arms tired.” Gerr wasn’t to know I had a poster of him doing a floater with gloves on my wall as a grom. It remains etched in my mind forever, as do the gloves. Yet for a while, gloves were massive; Richie Collins, Marty Thomas, and Glen “Mr X” Winton (see below) were high-profile stars who were webbed up. The science made sense. An increased surface area was supposed to push more water and add up to 25 per cent paddling power. They may have actually done that, but as Gerr pointed out, they also made you feel like you were paddling through quicksand. They haven’t been seen since.
Detachable Surboards
Ever since surfers started travelling on planes, the desire to reduce the dimensions of their surfboards has been there. One recurring solution to that problem has been the detachable surfboard. Karl Pope came up with the Pope Travelboard in 1964, which over 30 years became known as the Pope Bisect and the Pope Trisect SUP. Others have tried the design, though most come up with the same issues of weight, performance and cost. Everyone knows a fixed snapped board never goes the same. More recently, France-based NeWave have a detachable and modular design, where you can assemble up to nine different configurations. The board is secured by its locking pins, with injected nylon connectors. History isn’t on their side, but maybe this is the design that finally breaks the mould.
Coiled Leg Ropes
The leash (or legrope, to our Australian brethren) might be the simplest, non-surfboard-based technological advance in surfing (fun fact: Jack O’Neill’s son Pat is widely credited with inventing the modern surfboard leash in 1970). So that makes the existence of the coiled leash even more diabolical. They featured a spring-like design with the theory that they offered the same flexibility and protection, but being only a foot or so long, were much less cumbersome. Great for bodyboards, but not so good for a surfboard. The leash suddenly became 18 feet long before springing back at warped speed. They were both largely impractical and potentially deadly, a fun combination indeed.
Related: 2026 SURFER Awards: Best Surf Accessories of the Year
